By Stephan V. Beyer
“The third thing that makes council or circle special as a way of meeting together, making decisions, solving problems, dealing with conflicts, and building community is the talking stick. The rule of the talking stick is simple: Whoever holds the stick gets to speak, and everyone else listens. The stick is passed around the circle, and each person holds it in turn.
My practice has always been to pass the stick around the circle clockwise. I do that because that is the direction the sun travels from rising to setting, at least in the northern hemisphere, and that is the way I was taught. Other people may pass the stick in a counterclockwise direction, or sometimes one way and sometimes the other. As with many things, there is no one way to do it.
The rule of the talking stick is simple, but that does not mean it is easy. In fact, the rule is quite difficult to follow, because we have been systematically taught in our culture not to listen to each other.
The talking stick can be anything-a stick, a rock, a statue, a feather, a ballpoint pen, a fork picked off the table. Some people use the term talking piece instead of talking stick to reflect the fact that what is passed around the circle does not need to be a stick at all. the stick can be specially made and decorated, an object which is personal or sacred or symbolic, simple or elaborate, or it can be expedient-a rock picked up on the spur of the moment, a coffee cup, a key ring.
The purpose is to create a safe space in which people can simply talk honestly and sincerely with one another. The talking stick is a way of creating some safety; a participant can speak without being interrupted or argued with. Indeed, the talking stick can supply courage to the shy and steadiness to the flighty; it symbolizes the responsibility of speech, the courage of the true speaker, the importance of truth.
The talking stick is miraculous. As a practical matter, the stick creates order. People cannot interrupt over each other. People have to wait their turn, not matter how strongly they feel about what was just said. The talking stick empowers the shy and deferential to speak and keeps the loud and overbearing from dominating the discussion.
The fact that people must wait for the stick to travel around the circle means that they cannot react immediately to something they disagree with. Instead they must first listen to what other people have to say, which often frames the statement in new and enlightening ways. The stick discourages personal confrontation and encourages group process.”
Stephan V. Beyer, Ph.D., J. D., is a community builder, peacemaker and carrier of council. He has been trained and certified in many areas of circle processes, mediation, and nonviolence and has served as a lecturer in restorative justice and in the theory and practice of nonviolent resistance as Chicago State University. He lives in Chicago.
Stephen V Beyer, The Talking Stick Talk
University of Pennsylvania, September 27, 2012