In our fast-paced world, genuine listening often gets overshadowed by the rush to speak and be heard. Jamil Zaki, a professor of psychology at Stanford University, highlights a transformative approach in his article, "How to Become a More Empathetic Listener"
The piece delves into the nuances of empathy, particularly focusing on the distinction between perspective-taking and perspective-getting. Let's explore how embracing these concepts can enhance our communication and deepen our connections.
“Too often, we treat empathy as a performance. Trying to show how well we understand people, we end up missing the cues that could help us truly connect. Perspective-getting leans into another idea: Every conversation is a joint project, done best when we make space to learn from one another.”
Understanding the Concept:
Traditionally, empathy has been associated with "perspective-taking" – the act of imagining oneself in another's shoes. While this can foster generosity and reduce prejudice, it's not without flaws. Jamil Zaki points out that perspective-taking can lead to what researchers call "perspective mistaking," where our assumptions about others' feelings are biased and inaccurate. Instead, he advocates for "perspective-getting," a collaborative effort where active listening and asking questions play a crucial role.
The Power of Perspective-Getting:
Perspective-getting is more precise and effective than perspective-taking. It involves engaging with others to truly understand their experiences, leading to better communication and stronger relationships. This method is particularly powerful for leaders and professionals, as it helps them connect with their teams and clients on a deeper level. Techniques like "looping," where one paraphrases what they've heard and seeks confirmation, can significantly enhance understanding and trust.
Connecting to the Empathy Set App:
The Empathy Set app is designed to facilitate exactly this kind of empathetic engagement. By using the app's tools, such as the feelings and needs cards, users can practice perspective-getting in a structured way. These features encourage users to ask questions, listen actively, and reflect on their conversations, promoting genuine understanding and emotional intelligence.
Encouraging Reflection and Growth:
We encourage you to integrate these insights into your daily interactions. Next time you find yourself in a conversation, try to focus on listening without planning your response. Use the Empathy Set app to guide your questions and ensure you are truly hearing the other person. After your conversation, reflect on what you've learned and how your understanding has evolved.
Closing Remarks:
Embracing empathetic listening through perspective-getting is a journey of continuous learning and personal growth. By committing to this practice, you can enrich your relationships and foster a more empathetic and understanding environment. Remember, every conversation is an opportunity to connect, learn, and grow.