Empathy Defined

How is empathy defined?

Roman Krznaric.jpg

I remember when I was first learning the skills of mediation encountering the idea of empathy.

First, I wasn’t sure I could define it myself. Second, I wasn’t really sure I knew why it was so important. And finally, I definitely wasn’t confident in my ability to be empathic, let alone support others in conflict, be empathic.

So, it’s been a journey, and one I am happy to take, and now am very motivated to share my discoveries and insights garnered along the way, both as a professional mediator and trainer, but also, as a human being, experiencing life.

I am eager to make empathy more accessible, more practical, and more widely used.

The starting point, is of course my first doubt and clearly defining what we mean by empathy.

I’m sharing my current favorite definition by Roman Krznaric from his awesome book called Empathy:

“Empathy is the art of stepping imaginatively into the shoes of another person, understanding their feelings and perspectives, and using that understanding to guide your actions.”

I love that he honors the most common understanding of empathy being walking in the shoes of another. Not you in their shoes, but you imagining yourself to be them, and in their shoes.

To do this we have to imagine and draw on our life experience, but not in a way that makes it about ourselves. Our focus always is on the person for whom we are seeking to be empathic with.

When we seek to imagine what they (not us) would be feeling and what their perspective is (without judgment) we are getting into the empathy zone.

But importantly, and this is consistent with most emerging definitions of empathy, it’s not good enough to just imagine, we need to show we care by taking action.

Because, if we don’t, our expressions of empathy seem insincere and hollow.

My awareness of the importance of empathy continues to grow.